FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE

***Picture it***

20 kids (kids = people ages 21-37) dressed in Lacoste polos, argyle, tall socks, pearls, visors walking around the city blacked out during the G rated hours of the day.

Last weekend on the hity:

I don't know what recent college grad came up with pub golf, but God bless him. He is no doubt an ex - SAE, probably in finance (says it like fah-nance), lives in a big city but not NYC where he'd actually BE in the office on Saturday, misses dress up parties almost as much as he misses blacked out sorority girls. One might wonder, who would fall for this deliciously mapped out trap? Well, Garbanzo for one.

Being the upstanding mature woman that I am, I told "Shooter McGavin" (the man with the score cards, whistle, and timer), I don't want to subject myself to a game in which I have to be known as "the caddy" - yes boys were "players" and girls were "caddies." I told him, that I would attend the pub crawl, but I had a couple other obligations later in the day so I wouldn't be able to participate in the game. You know, I only want to have 5-6 drinks during the day not 10-12. You can't say I don't have good intentions, you also can't say I don't lie to myself everyday about my ability (or lack thereof) to control myself. Within 4 minutes of arrival at bar 1, I have a partner on my arm and a tequila shot in my hand.

...quiet please... tee off

Long blog entries are kind of my thing, but I am going to go ahead and try to bullet the events to save time. The formatting of this blog is entirely for your convenience and not at all because I only remember flashes of the day...

-bar 1: find a great partner and take a tequila shot
-bar 2: make the owner give me a t-shirt for free, which (after I finish my Long Island Ice Tea) I throw on over my yellow BrooksBrothers polo
-bar 3: say no to the bartender who offers up a free t-shirt if I remove both other shirts (LUCKILY) I tastefully decline. I take my car bomb, juggle three golf balls, and head to the bar 4 - without my credit card. This is not a good sign
-bar 4: order my gin martini (yep, we're going for holes in 1 EVERY time) go to pay for it, realize I forgot my card and head back to bar 3
-bar 3 revisited: i pay for my drinks, (not as tastefully) tell the bar tender, I'll be back after a couple more holes (read: drinks) to "earn my shirt," leave (LUCKILY)
-bar 4 revisited: this is one of the holes where you can lower your score by taking your drink *gin martini and also doing a body shot. BUT OF COURSE. walk up to a complete stranger, take my body shot, tell Shooter "LETS GO!" he reminds me...my gin martini is still waiting for me. SHIT. Double SHIT because I decide to be "badass" and I take it like its a shot and roll out.
-bar 5: partner and I walk into bar before everyone else, basically we run there. we go into the bar, sit on the stools, and i say to the bartender "I will PAY you to give us two empty shot glasses with lime" and hand him a ten spot. Some call this cheating, I call it genius. my last encounter with soco didn't end so well...it ended pretty well for my friend steve though.
-bar 6: friend carries me over his shoulder to the bar next door, where I must have had something to drink but have NO idea what.
-bar 7: shon theee wahy two that bhar i whhent store buy cigarettes. needs them. NOT COHERENT. TOTALLY INSANE. text my partner "are you still at x-bar?" time stamp 6:05pm. i know because i just checked my outgoing texts. stumble there, there are pictures of same friend from before carrying me around the bar...apparently i took my shot.
-bar 8: this one i remember. ONLY because it was another body shot. Yeppers. I took a BODY SHOT of tequila off some rando-dude in addition to my mai thai. I feel like I did something really embarrassing at this bar..but whatever it was escapes me now. Surprisingly.
-BAR 9: This is the last bar. Where my partner and I take the final shot to win the tournament. The photos show partner and me, laying down on the ground and on tables accepting our trophies (yes TROPHIES...i told you SAE). WINNERS - don't tell anyone about the genius idea from bar 5. thanks.

What to do, WHAT TO DO? I know, lets go to another bar...across town. I had the good sense to walk into the next bar and walk directly out without saying goodbye to anyone, and heading to taco bell.

Let me tell you, Taco Bell circa 9pm, blacked out, alone...dark, DARK place.

xoxo.
Garbanzo - detoxing