take that sheriff kurt...

last weekend on the hity...

********picture it********

friday night. north beach. the streets are absolutely packed with d-bags and slutas who traveled through the tunnel for a night of fun. garbanzo, c-money, myself, and a handful of other legit sf homies make the trek through the crowds to savoy...

several memorable things happened over the course of this night. thankfully, the biggest moment of all is documented on camera but for purposes of remaining anonymous, i will not be posting the photo. some key moments:

1) c-money finally learned how to use an atm after 500 attempts.
2) m-dizzle confronted the boy who viewed her facebook profile at work and announced to everyone that they had hooked up. "fucked her, fucked her, sweet bj junior year, fucked her..."
3) i was hit on by an attractive looking young man by being passed a note on a napkin that said "you're pretty. i have a crush on you. do you have a crush on me? check yes or no." being the creative beast i am, i created my own box that read "maybe. curve ball". don't worry folks. he didn't graduate from college, has no job (but is creating his own website), and lives at home with his parents in marin. i wish i could take the napkin back and check no. STRIKE ONE.
4) i called the bartender out who once asked me why i was staring at his crotch. he then asked for my name by saying "how am i supposed to ask you out if i don't know your name". garbanzo happily told him my name. i ran into him on the street yesterday. he fumbled with his phone explaining that it was dead but he wanted my number. i told him that he better hurry home to charge it. that was good and awk. STRIKE TWO.

and just when i think strike three and an out are inevitable, it happens. a homerun. i was crowned SFPD JUNIOR COP!!!

that's right. after nearly being arrested for drinking my beer outside of the bar so i could enjoy it while i smoked my cig, i asked officer jim if i could try on his hat. OJ was so excited that he walked right into the bar, put the hat on my head and stuck an SFPD sticker on me. no, this sticker did not come from a full roll that he had in his pocket to give out to drunk girls. i was obvi the ONLY junior cop of the night.

soon after, we leave the bar, and being the polite, bar-goer that i am, i went up an introduced myself to OJ and his friends:

"good evening officers. my name is junior cop morris. it's a pleasure to make your acquiantance. i'm new to the team and it's always nice meeting new work colleagues. have a lovely evening."

what i should've said is "the next time you see me acting like a hot mess, please remember that i am one of you. would you throw your mother in the drunk tank?"

that being said, the weekend continued in hot mess fashion. while i, thankfully, did not end up in the drunk tank, i definitely deserved to. i have officially decided that i am going to follow through with one new year's resolution and am taking a much needed break from the social circuit for at least a week. please stay tuned for next week's posting about my crackin' sat night at home with my mom which will be spent drinking chardonnay and watching foreign films.

xoxo,
(future) lady morris