McDeuce

um, alarm? is that you? already?

i could cry.

Its 7:45am, Thursday morning. I am unsure exactly what happened last night, but I don't think it involved licking an ashtray - although the taste in my mouth would suggest otherwise. My head is POUNDING. I reek of vodka. Why am I so pathetic? WHY, I ask? Let me dive in...

So last night was the SF Magazine Vera Wang bridal runway show. Although the dresses were fantastic, the venue was beautiful, the drinks were flowing, and the goodie bag was well worth the hangover...discussing the A Mid Summer Nights Dream theme to the show and the garlands each model wore in their hair really wouldn't be that fun to read. Although, there was a mint green number with a lavender sash that I could talk about for days (and not in a good way).

After the seven of us (none engaged/married) left the show, feeling just a little bit more depressed and a lot more wasted than we were just hours before...we decide, WHY stop there? So, we grab a couple packs of smokes and hit the bar scene. At one point, i think, we were sitting on the outdoor patio IN THE RAIN because we didn't want to waste the cigarettes. PATHETIC.

What is more pathetic than 7 single gals crashing a bridal runway show, then drinking and smoking away our sorrows, you ask? This morning. This morning is the answer to that question.

Stewgs (my roommate) is normally on the road well before I wake up for work...commuter. Today, I jump in the shower hoping, praying, I can wash away my sins from the night before when I hear her stumble out of her room. When I get out of the shower she is just standing in the living room mumbling about how she was 10 minutes late to work when she WOKE UP. She was also surveying the scene. We (she) had strung all of the fliers, eye creams, perfume samples, and cosabella undies from the goodie bag ALL OVER THE LIVING room before passing out on the couch last night.

I tell her, "hurry up and get ready so you can drop me off on your way to work. You're ALREADY late, I have a chance to be on time." Being the fab roomie that she is, she agrees, and we're both showered and ready in approximately 20 minutes. If our eyes weren't as blood shot as if we had just escaped a burning building, we may have gotten away with it. She probably could have even used the "sorry I am late, I went to the gym before work today" line...well, maybe not.

We're driving in The Toaster (1999 Hyundai Accent, opal) also known as TO, Terrell Owens, and the roller skate. And I feel sick. I mean, SICK. I turn to her, and I confess...I could DIE if I don't get McDonald's breakfast, STAT. She agrees, but not without a good 3.5 minutes of debate because she wants to bag the whole thing, skip work, and hit up McDeuce at 11 when they're serving the "real food."

We're somewhere between our apartment and hell, when we're stopped at a light and these two homies, and actually, maybe HOMIE isn't the right word...I'm not talking baggy pants, $ chains, and sideways caps. I am talking somewhere between 40-45, white, certainly unemployed (which I am sure was the case BEFORE "these challenging economic times"), dirty jeans, tattoos...are you there? are you with me? OK. Well anyway, they're moseying along, you know, because they don't have anywhere to be, and I say to Stewgs "DUDE, we have got to hurry, those homies are definitely heading to Mickey D's." Well, we make the louise, head down the street, and get prime parking RIGHT IN FRONT. We struggle with the meter (do we pay? do we not pay? what time is it?) finally, we walk through the golden arches, and I'll admit, I do sometimes tell white lies for comedic affect, but the two men were SERIOUSLY IN LINE! THEY WERE IN MC DONALDS. Obviously, we couldn't stop laughing about it, mainly because we're still drunk...needless to say we needed to get the hell out of there. We just leave. PATHETIC.

What is more pathetic than going to McDonalds at 8am on a Thursday morning, you ask? Going to McDonalds at 8am on a Thursday morning and failing to get any food. No hashbrown. No Egg Mc Muffin. NOTHING. We just could NOT TAKE IT in there. So we head over to BK.

You will be surprised to hear that we get a PRIME parking spot in front of the Burger King as well!!! Must be because everyone getting breaky at these fast food joints on Thursday mornings probably don't drive much. Anyway, luckily we had already figured out the parking meters because (and I don't know how this is possible because literally the BK is 1 block from the McD's) the air is FILLED with the fishiest fish smell. It was like God spraying us with rotten fish for our rotten lifestyle. Instead of taking it as a sign of our disgust, we RUN into the BK and grab our breakfast.

My office is about a 6 minute drive from the BK, so I am just shoveling the sausage biscuit into my mouth before I have to get out of the car. Once we arrived, I looked at Stewgs with those big brown puppy dog eyes and said, "thank you so much for the ride, but I am going to have to leave the BK evidence in the car with you." I realized she was going to be in the car with the bags of grease and lard for another 50 minutes, but I just couldn't risk running into someone with a BK bag and a large diet coke at 8:45am.

Pathetic.

xoxo,

Garbanzo